November 2017
Aisa asked me what I feared. She said something was coming up in my aura.
I think I have the answer.
An old fear. One I never had a chance to face since giving birth. Which is being independent.
My family took me in when I was pregnant. It did not feel good, but it soothed a fear. I was terrified, penniless, alone. I had a mad idea of throwing myself at the mercy of the nuns, but my family would have none of it.
And when Joshua turned out to be a special kid, I didn’t think I could handle all his expenses alone.
Third Eye I thought was my shot at earning money, but that went kaput. It only made me sick.
Looking back, I knew I didn’t feel good. I’d wake up feeling dread. That’s one lesson I’ve learned, to listen to my feelings.
So what do I want? Choco said that fear could hide our deepest desires. Abraham has taught to look at what we want, at the back of what we don’t want.
I want money coming in regularly. I want to be doing something that earns me money and uses my skills. And I want it to feel good. No more dread! I want to enjoy it! I want stimulation!
Choco said the desire to teach was there. I want to teach somewhere beautiful. I want the stimulation of discussion of ideas, of being with people, the pleasure of facilitating and bringing out answers, and arriving at new conclusions.
Maybe I can make the fifth floor my independent pad. Maybe I can get my pension. Maybe I can get myself rolling to teach.
Also, I did a oneness restoration meditation where I asked what revelation or next step I am ready for for my restoration.
I saw myself teaching, holding a chalk or pen, standing in front of a board.
The image shook me. Was this really the fruit of the meditation? Or was it just from Choco’s suggestion?
I thought I had given that up. Before, all my teaching stints in Third Eye were canceled, and I was relieved. They seemed such a chore.
But what I heard in this meditation was, “just be ready.”
Is this a real message, or not?
I’ll have to ask my Akashic records
It’s a true image. Do not be alarmed. Just be ready.
Am I to teach again? Or to resume? Or to start? And if so, what? Theta?
Theta would be a good beginning. You’re born to lead discussions. A University load might be too much for you at the moment, given your condition. A seminar type might be ideal.
I thought you wanted me to write
And how is that turning out? Are you able to give your one hour a day?
If I prepare theta materials and nothing happens, it would be such a disappointment
If you never do it, won’t that be even more disappointing?
Is this what I’m really supposed to do to feel fulfillment?
You must ask yourself this. Is this something you would like to do?
Yes
Then why don’t you try.
It was a true vision. This is the next step for you.
How can I have the temerity to teach when I’m sick
You are not so sick that you cannot teach. And that is something.
